Old Friends
by MalllladeImaginaire
Summary: Just a really short story about Grizabella and what happened to her after she left the Junkyard and how she wants to be accepted back again. From Grizabella's point of view. Rated T to be on the safe side. xx (This used to be on my old account, but I've re-posted it on this one ;) )


Old friends. That is one of the saddest expressions. Old friends. It means people who were your friend but no longer are. That's all I have nowadays, old friends. Never friends, always old friends.

I suppose it's my own fault. I abandoned them. Just walked out on my family and friends without a backwards glance or a second thought. What sort of a person does that? No wonder they don't want anything to do with me. It serves me right, I guess and I can't blame them. If I was in their place I'd be angry and hurt too. I understand it perfectly, I really do. That doesn't make it any easier though. If only they'd give me a chance. Just one chance to explain to them why I did what I did. One chance to tell them how much I regret what happened, how much I miss them all, how afraid and alone I am, how I wish I was back home again. But they won't.

It was stupid. I wish it had never happened. It was a kind of midlife crisis really. One day I woke up and realised the clock was ticking and I had seen nothing of the world, done nothing. I suppose I panicked. I didn't think. I just grabbed my things and left, left them all behind. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to go but for the first time in my life I felt free, not answerable to anyone. It was an amazing feeling.

I just followed my feet and wandered wherever I felt like going. That day I saw more of the world than I ever had before. I experienced a whole new side to the city I had lived in for so long. And all the time I had the wonderful sense of freedom, so intense it was almost joy. That first day I was on such a high, I didn't even think about home or my family. I forgot they existed. No, that's not entirely true. They were just no longer relevant and so I didn't bother to think about them. There's a difference, I think.

That evening was really the beginning of it all. I was tired and cold and hungry by then, but the adrenaline and my own enthusiasm kept me going, wandering through streets I'd never even seen before until I was hopelessly lost. Not that I cared. I didn't want to go home anyway. I wanted to go somewhere new, somewhere exciting. And that's exactly what happened.

At around midnight I ran into a group of young toms. They were very noisy and unruly; laughing, joking and shouting. I'm not sure why but I went over to them. They seemed nice enough. They wanted me to go with them to some bar so I went. After all I had nowhere else to go.

It was a wonderful place. So crowded and noisy, so alive. I had never been anywhere like it before. I was blown away. It seemed like heaven, like exactly what I had been searching for. But all things that glitter can't be gold, can they? Not that I saw that then, not until years later in fact. I was so blinded by the glamour and the sheer extravagance of the place. I never wanted to leave. That very evening, in fact, I asked for a job there. I didn't care what job as long as I could stay in that amazing bar. And I got it. I was such a beauty and so glamorous back then that they hired me as a singer and dancer. It was all my wildest dreams come true. Every birthday and Christmas rolled into one, or so I thought.

And in the beginning it really was perfect. I was very busy but that was what I liked most. If I wasn't performing I was at parties or drinking with my friends or meeting new people and visiting new places. I met all sorts of different cats, even the sort we weren't supposed to socialize with back when I lived in the Junkyard. It was wonderful. I even had a group of fans who used to come to my dressing room every night and leave me presents or flowers. I was respected, looked up to, admired. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. People loved me. They cared about me, about what I did, what I though, how I looked, everything about me.

It was about a year later. That was when I found out why we weren't supposed to talk to street cats. To cut a long story short I was rather drunk and walking home alone. I went into this alley and there were several toms there. You can imagine what happened, no need to go into gory detail, but anyway when I eventually managed to get away and get back to the bar they wouldn't let me in. Turned out the toms got there first. Who knows what stories they told about me, but from then on I was treated like dirt. No one talked to me, I lost my job, my home, my new friends, everything. Not one single cat was still willing to listen to me.

I decided to move. Maybe a different area would be better, or so I thought. But wherever I went people seemed to have already heard about me and they turned me away. I was so alone. I even tried to go home, back to the Junkyard but Alonzo turned me away at the gates. I can't really blame him. It was my own fault.

After that I started visiting worse areas and getting into all sorts of dodgy things, some of them bordering on criminal. I took to drinking, just to forget everything that had happened. It wasn't the best time in my life. I was a complete wreck, I have to admit. As a result I even lost my looks, the last thing I had left. I'm ashamed to admit it now, but in a bizarre way I blamed my family for what had happened to me. And it really wasn't their fault.

That was several years ago now. I've finally managed to get out of that vicious circle I was trapped in. And now I'm going home. I have to try and explain. I want so much to go home. I _need _to go home. I've realised my mistake and I've paid for it, I've served my sentence, now all I want is to be accepted back. They will understand, if only I can make them listen, I'm sure they will.

I can actually see them from where I'm sat, high up on a pile of rubbish, the Jellicles. My family.

Old Deuteronomy looks the same as ever. Maybe a tiny bit more grey in his fur than I remember but still the same kind, wise face, the same smile. He hasn't really changed a bit. I'm glad. He always was a wonderful leader. Some things never change and never should.

Then there's Munkustrap. He looks very different to how I remember him. Back then he was still quite young and inexperienced, now he looks a lot more mature, a lot wiser. Not to mention more handsome. He really has turned into rather a striking figure and everyone seems to look up to him. So maybe he did manage to become the Jellicle protector, like he always dreamed of. I hope so. I get the feeling he'd do an excellent job.

Who else? Oh yes, there's Demeter next to him. She looks amazing. She must have got even more beautiful since I left. Poor thing does look a bit nervous though. I wonder why? I really hope nothing bad happened to her. The way she keeps looking at Munkustrap, I wonder if they're mates now. She used to go out with Macavity, but I don't see him anywhere. Maybe he left just like me. Oh, it's such a shame. Dem and I were best friends once, she even looked up to me like an older sister and now...

And Bombalurina, sat next to Demmie as always. So they're still best friends. I wonder if they ever miss me. I'm not sure whether I hope so or not. Bomba's still flirting with every tom in sight. She really is terrible! Clearly she can't have changed that much. Still hasn't grown up or settled down with anyone. I wouldn't really have expected anything different though. It wouldn't suit her, I don't think. Just not her style.

Oh, over there, the Rum Tum Tugger. He looks amazing, but then again he always did. I don't believe he's changed either. Maybe his mane is a little longer but that's about it. Still the same terrible flirt he always was. It seems like so long ago. He was younger than me, of course, but we used to have so much fun together. I loved him more than anything. I hope I didn't hurt him too much when I left. Probably hurt his pride and his ego more than anything. Being dumped probably didn't agree with him.

Still surrounded by a group of fans though. The faces have changed but the scene is so familiar. We all used to look like that around him. It's pathetic really. Let's see, who do I actually recognize?

Ah, there's Plato snuggling up to Tugger. I think it's Plato anyway. It looks a lot like him, same markings but I can't be sure. He was just a small kitten when I left.

Who else? That one must be Tumblebrutus. He's got the same cute grin. My, how he's grown. An adult tom now. I remember him as a tiny ball of fluff that used to chase people around and try to bite their tails. Time really does fly.

I don't think I recognize any of the others. There's a little tom-kit and three, no four little queens. The tom looks sweet. He seems quite playful and he's always smiling. I wish I knew his name. No idea who his parents are either.

The queen over there looks so much like Dem, it must be her daughter. She really is a beauty. So sweet and tiny and innocent looking. I wonder who her father is. Munkustrap? But she doesn't look anything like him. It must be someone else. Dem always wanted to call a daughter Jemima, though. Maybe that's actually her name.

Then there's the white queen. She's just as beautiful. I wonder where she came from, I'm sure she can't be related to anyone here. There's just something about her, something mysterious that doesn't quite fit with her being born in the Junkyard.

And the other two? They look inseparable. They always seem to be playing together. They might possibly be sisters, but then again, they could just be friends. Jellylorum and Asparagus? I know they were planning on having kittens and the lighter one looks very much like Jelly. She seems a bit hyperactive. The darker one looks like Asparagus, well, maybe a little bit. She's a lot calmer and quieter. They're both so sweet! I wish I had kittens of my own.

Who else is there? Ah, Coricopat and Tantomile are sat over on that car tire. I never liked them much. They always seemed to disapprove of me, like they somehow _knew. _Ironic, how they turned out to be right, isn't it? They look exactly the same as back then. I could have gone away yesterday, they look that unchanged. That's creepy. How on earth can they not have aged a day? No, maybe I'm wrong. You can see it in their eyes, if you look very closely. They look wiser, more knowledgeable.

Jellylorum! She's sat over there with... Jennyanydots and Gus.

Astonishing how much Gus has changed. He looks so much older, so much more haggard. He really hasn't aged well. And his palsy seems to have got worse. Poor thing!

At least Jelly is still there to look after him, like she always was. Kind and considerate as ever, bless her. Her face is a lot more lined and she looks very stressed, maybe she did have those kittens after all. That would explain it.

Jenny is amazing. She still looks so energetic. And at her age! I wonder if she ever got round to training those mice and cockroaches like she meant to. Probably not. When I left all her time was taken up by that nightmare of a kitten of hers.

Talk of the devil, there she is. Or I suppose that must be her. Rumpleteazer. What a little monster she always was. Face of an angel, personality of a little demon. She's grown up to be a real beauty. Doesn't look much like her parents, though.

I wonder if... Oh yes, there he is. That scruffy little tom-kit she used to hang around with. I can't remember his name. Something with N, or was it M? He's grown up a bit, I can tell you! He is really nothing like I remember him. Very muscular, very handsome, he is now. And such an attractive face! What a shame about his dreadful accent. Probably passed it on to little Rumpleteazer. They used to spend so much time together she was already beginning to talk like him when I left! Terrible! I have heard they have quite a reputation as cat burglars. Doesn't surprise me, I always thought he'd end up doing something criminal. Pity Rumpleteazer got involved in it all though. She used to be such a nice kitten, mischievous but sweet really.

What must Skimbleshanks think?! There he is, sat over by Jenny. He was always so protective of Rumpleteazer, I'm surprised he lets her run around with that tom. I see he has a new waistcoat. Jenny must have got her way at last and made him get rid of that horrible green one he used to insist on wearing. She always gets her own way in the end, Jenny does. Skimble looks older, but good with it. He's actually aged better than some of the others. Who'd have though it?

Who is that black and white tuxedo tom over there? I've never seen him before. He looks kind of cute. Quite young. I wonder where he came from. Seems very popular though. That white queen-kit spends a lot of time with him. Maybe a sister? There's something unusual about him as well, but I can't quite put my finger on what it is.

Aww, look at Alonzo and Cassandra snuggled up together. How sweet! I never thought their relationship would last. He's a bit too flirty, I always thought she'd resent that and end up leaving him. Guess I was wrong. They seem to be doing great. I'm please for them, really I am.

I can't see Exotica anywhere, but then again she was always a bit hard to spot, let alone get to know. Bit of a loner. Kept herself to herself. Sweet enough, though. I hope she's doing alright where ever she is.

I see Admetus. He's still got that same silly grin as before. He's amazing. Always used to cheer me up when I was feeling sad. He looks a bit older now, but still young, if that makes any sense. He's actually really very good-looking. Funny, I never noticed that before. It's strange the things you notice if you've been away for a while.

And there's Asparagus. He looks the same as ever. Possibly a bit gentler than he used to look. His face is somehow softer, happier. And he's smiling a lot more. I'd love to know why. Maybe it is those kittens after all...

Who on earth is that enormous tom? If I didn't know better, I'd say that was Bustopher Jones. But it can't be! That whale of a cat can't possibly be the fit, athletic tom I knew. It just can't be! It looks like him though. No, I don't believe it. Never did I think Bustopher would get fat like that. It is him! He _has _changed. A lot!

But that's enough watching them. I have to try and talk to them, try and make them listen. I know it's hard but I can't give up on them, not again. I have to do this. It's the Jellicle ball tonight, maybe they'll finally listen to me, accept me back. It seems unlikely but I mustn't give in! Wish me luck!


End file.
